What if you’re crazy?

Have you ever had an argument with someone and felt utterly frustrated because they wouldn’t understand why they were wrong? They’re saying something that makes absolutely no sense, and you know in your mind you’re right, but you just can’t seem to get through to them. Of course you’re right. They’re clearly wrong. You eventually decide to let it be, and you realise that it is futile to try and change their mind. Convinced that you’re right however, you console yourself by shaking your head in sympathy - “if only they understood”, and decide to spend some time away from them.

Later that night, as you’re tucked comfortably in your bed, tired from the day and the exhausting argument you had, for some reason - sleep evades you, and you lie awake, with only your thoughts to keep you company.

“Why can’t they understand? Why can’t they see things from my perspective. How can they believe they’re right?”

Then suddenly, you come to a realisation. What if from their perspective, they too are going through the same feeling of frustration? What if they also firmly believe they are right, just like you, and your views feel equally unthinkable to them?
What if you seem as crazy to them, as they do to you?

This poses a conundrum. It seems that you can never be certain you are not crazy. Let’s assume you have a conversation with someone. One of you is crazy, but you do not know who. By simply interacting with the other one, you might feel like you’d be able to figure out which one of you is actually crazy. But to each of you, your own viewpoints are completely justified, and it’s the other one who’s spouting nonsense. After all, a crazy person doesn’t feel like he’s crazy. From his perspective, everything he says makes complete sense. So how can you be sure you’re not the crazy one?

You can’t. The reality of this situation can be terrifying once realised. There is no way for you to ever know with absolute certainty if your views are wrong or right.

“All of this seems interesting” you might say. “but how does it help me?”

So what can you do now, armed with this newfound knowledge? Try to be more open minded. Hear people out, even if what they say seems unreasonable. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Do not ever be so arrogant as to think you’re right just because your opinion “obviously” makes perfect sense to you. Logic can be a frightening illusion. Always remember, even the insane make perfect sense in their own head.

The antidote: being open to change

This does not mean changing your views every time someone tells you theirs, or calling your own values into question when you meet someone with different ideas. What you can do however, is try to approach someone’s views as if you were them, try not to look at them through your own biased lens, but though that of a simple observer. Empathy can be a powerful tool if you know how to use it. What do you think caused them to think this way? Why do you think they believe what they do? Listening to someone with an open mind does not mean believing their every word, it simply means trying your best to understand where they come from and why they think differently from you. It means giving their thoughts and ideas an equal validity as your own, and trying your best to give their ideas and notions a fair chance before completely dismissing it.

Unfortunately, thinking this way in the real world is simply not practical. You cannot and should not give everyone your undivided attention and time, and you can’t afford to hear everyone out. You have to make some decisions about what you believe in and what you don’t, and stick to your values, at least until you come across some that may serve you better. The keyword here is better. Stick to your principles, but only as long as they serve you better than others. Don’t be afraid to change for the better. We are very peculiar creatures, we crave order and conformity, yet throughout our lifetime, we go through countless changes, and although we might feel like who we are now is constant, the truth is that we will likely continue to change, to grow as people, and in sufficient time, we might become completely different people than who we are now, or who we believe we are. So don’t shun change away, accept it openly - but only when it is better than what you currently have.

So what does better mean anyway? Does it mean good? Does that mean you should change yourself to try and be a good person? No. The concepts of good and bad are heavily subjective, and are not objective truths. In my opinion, better is simply something that makes you feel happier - a sense of satisfaction you didn’t feel before. And what evokes that is different from person to person.

Chase happiness. Chase satisfaction. Chase the feeling that helps you sleep at night, and gets you up out of bed every morning.

For some, that might come from constantly trying to improve themselves and learn new skills, for some it comes from helping others, for some it comes through having a lot of money, and for some it might even come from challenging themselves constantly and battling through adversity. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you feel good, and you’re not harming yourself. It’s important to note that what makes you happy also changes with time. It’s important to know that what makes you feel good today might not be as rewarding tomorrow. So be happy with what you are doing, but know that there will come a time when it won’t fulfil you the way it does now. Finally, make sure you are in control of your happiness, not at the mercy of a person or drug. When you rely solely on an external source for happiness, it is easy to become addicted, and lose yourself into the addiction.

If you do haven’t found what makes you happy yet, do not be afraid to explore. It is almost always good to try new things, especially if trying won’t hurt you. Even if you are happy, new experiences can help you grow as a person and widen the narrow slit through which you experience the world. After all, you cannot possibly know what you do not know, you cannot judge what you haven’t experienced, so if you have the freedom and time, don’t hesitate to try something new once in a while.

Judging when to change

Now, getting back on track - I think understanding all of this provides a very handy metric to judge when you should consider to incorporate someone’s practices or their advice into your lifestyle. And that metric comprises of six questions, as follows:

  • Are they truly happy/satisfied with their life?
  • If so, how long have they felt this way?
  • Are the aspects of their lifestyle that lead to their happiness sustainable in the long term? (For example, if their source of happiness is drinking, you definitely shouldn’t pick up that habit, because it is detrimental in the long term.)
  • How much effort would it take for you to change yourself and incorporate their practices/values?
  • How much conflict does their followed principles have with your own?
  • Is what makes them happy relatively close to what might make you happy?

According to these questions, you can try and judge how happy it would make you (back to the same point that happiness can mean very different things to different people) it would be for you to possibly adopt part of their philosophies or ideals, and at what cost. If the perceived happiness is significantly higher than the perceived cost, only then should you begin to consider changing your principles or habits / incorporating them into your existing lifestyle. And of course, at the end of the day, whatever change you choose to make must also be one that you choose and are okay with. For example, as an atheist, I don’t think I’d ever choose to become religious or indulge in religious practices, even if people claim it helps them, because that simply isn’t how I feel / or I don’t want to ever become that. (Happiness for me is scorning people who believe in praying to god and indulge in religious activities)

Takeaways

Remember that you are not always right. Try and hear people out before dismissing them. You may very well be the crazy one. Always humble yourself.

Try new things once in a while. Embrace new experiences, good or bad. The more you learn, the better you get to know the world and yourself.

Know when to change and when to stick to your principles. Accept that change is inevitable, and that over time, you are bound to change.
All you can try is to change for the better.

Finally,
Aim to do what makes you happy.